I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
