This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
