i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
