Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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