I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
