i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
