You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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