also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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