lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
