You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
