He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
