ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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