Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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