we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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