When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
