How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
