Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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