Cold hands, warm shart.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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