I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
