Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
