also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
