Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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