Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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