he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
