Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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