it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
