You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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