9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.