my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.