they need to just BURY HIM!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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