what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT