Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that