Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
