my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
