Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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