"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
