Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
