did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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