Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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