She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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