i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
