hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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