my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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