Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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