garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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