you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
