Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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