I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
