smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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