the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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