She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
