so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
