I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
