I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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