singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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