he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
