I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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