It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
