my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just google imaged poop.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
