He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
