do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
