If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize