he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
