party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
