She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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