its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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