you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
