i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
