I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
