my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
