I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
