Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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