i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is my gift to your gina
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
