My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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