yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
