There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Never underestimate the power of titties
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
