sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
