wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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