Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i think my cat just said my name.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
