He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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