Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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