So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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