You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
