I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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