Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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