6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
