if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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