I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
