so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
