Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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